Terence - Confronting with Vulnerability

Terence is having a cup of coffee and reading a book at a local cafe when he overhears two fellow patrons at another table using anti-Semitic remarks in conversation with one another. Terence immediately recognizes their language as offensive and marginalizing. He is uncomfortable and anxious about their conversation and ambivalent about whether he should say or do anything to interrupt it.

Terence recognizes that his heart is racing and that his breath has quickened. He takes a moment to calm himself. He waits for a pause in the patrons’ conversation and approaches their table. Terence introduces himself, and after brief small talk, he is direct and candid in sharing how the language used by the patrons impacted him and made him feel. Terence also shared his expectation for his community, and how such language undermines what he loves and respects about their town.

The patrons appeared uncomfortable. After a period of silence, one patron responded quietly, “OK,” with an eye roll. Terence thanked them for listening and returned to his seat. Again, his heart was racing, so he chose to leave and calm down.

Terence was shaken by the confrontation and filled with self-doubt about his decision to confront and the manner he chose. He was also unsure about returning to the cafe. He determined to not change his pattern and returned, where he encountered the same patrons. They made eye contact and exchanged brief greetings. Terence felt relieved and self-assured and more empowered to make a similar confrontation in the future. 

Key Take-Aways
  • The Issue: Terence overhears his peers using anti-Semitic remarks, making him uncomfortable and concerned about community impact.
  • The Deliberation: Terence has a strong emotional reaction and is ambivalent about whether or how to confront his peers. He decides to introduce himself and focus the conversation on how he experienced their comments.
  • The Growth: Terence was able to confront in such a way that everyone involved continued to return to the same shared space, and Terence increased his confidence and motivation to maintain similar community expectations in the future.