James is a staff member in the library reference center. He works in an open office setting with several colleagues. James’ workstation is adjacent to his colleague Yosef, whom he has been trying for some time to form a personal relationship.
James senses tension and distance with Yosef and asks openly if something is wrong between them. Yosef shares that he is frustrated by James’s frequent inquiries into Yosef’s experience as an international student and his identity as an Israeli. Yosef shares that he feels smothered by James’s frequent questions about his first language, his culture, and his experience in the United States.
When receiving Yosef’s feedback, James contends that he thought his questions were appropriate because he hears Yosef talking about his culture and experience with other team members and sees that he is involved on campus with international student groups. With more conversation, James begins to understand that constant reference to a single aspect of Yosef’s identity flattens his experience and imposes upon Yosef the responsibility of serving as James’s educator.
James continues to reflect and commits to initiating conversation by sharing about himself and his interests, rather than initiating conversation through targeted questions about Yosef’s identity.
- The Issue: James’s method for making personal connections overemphasizes a single aspect of Yosef’s identity, which make Yosef feel oversimplified and stereotyped.
- The Deliberation: James opens a dialogue about the tension between he and Yosef and commits to listening to his concerns.
- The Growth: James realizes that his best intentions had an adverse impact on Yosef, and he learns a new way of initiating relationships.