Breanne – Understanding the Whole Person

Breanne is out to lunch with her close friend Mark. As they are catching up, Breanne shares enthusiastically about a shared acquaintance, Tim, whom she thinks is a perfect match for Mark. Encourages Mark to initiate a first date.

Mark interrupts Breanne to share that while they are both gay, they actually have very little in common and the differences between them are much more salient than their shared experience as gay men. Mark assures Breanne that he and Tim get along fine, and while there is no tension, there is also no attraction.

Breanne is surprised and confused by Mark’s response. Mark provides additional feedback to Breanne about essentializing gay people and encourages her to listen more closely to the things that are important to both of them, like their career goals, interests and hobbies.

Breanne apologizes for assuming too quickly that they would be a good match based on sharing a single identity. Going forward, she commits to thinking about Mark more holistically, rather than centering on his sexual orientation.

Key Take-Aways
  • The Issue: Breanne’s perception of her friend Mark is that his sexual orientation is placed at center, and while his orientation is most salient to her, it is not so salient to Mark. This results in Mark feeling oversimplified, or seen as only one thing. Breanne does not understand Mark as well as they would hope.
  • The Deliberation: Mark shares direct feedback to Breanne, and Breanne works through her shock and confusion to understand the impact of her assumptions and behaviors.
  • The Growth: Breanne sees how her preoccupation with a single aspect of Mark’s identity was limiting to their relationship and has committed to regarding Mark with more complexity.